Union Prisoners

President Lincoln, We advise you to to begin a prisoner exchange program, after the defeat of Union forces at the 1st Battle of Bull Run, and the large number of Union prisoners, it seems that even your own U.S. Congress is requesting you to take measures to effect an exchange.

Since we are becoming overrun with union prisoners, and I'm sure that's not going to change....we propose all prisoners to be released (either exchanged or paroled) within 10 days of capture. Excess prisoners who can not be exchanged are to be released on parole, which means they can not perform any military service until they are officially
notified that they have been exchanged.

BTW....we'll only trade for soldiers.

Prisoners will be exchanged on the following basis: 1 general = 46 privates, 1 major general = 40 privates, 1 brigadier general = 20 privates, 1 colonel = 15 privates, 1 lieutenant colonel = 10 privates, 1 major = 8 privates, 1 captain = 6 privates, 1 lieutenant = 4 privates, 1 noncommissioned officer = 2 privates.

I Can't Go For That

I don't know what the hell the Confederates
are talkin' about. Ain't nobody listenin'
to what they sayin' Matter of fact, watch ya back,
cus we more than a million strong and we'll
snuff ya'll out.
LOL. (head shaking)
They must be smokin' crack to think that we
goin' keep on workin' for them. And we "can't"
read anyways, so how would we know to keep workin'?
Stupid boys. Let's get em'.

Keep up the good work Yankees,
if you need some place to stay and a hot meal, holla at me.

Building A Better Army

Since you're sitting on the Potomac, just a few miles from Washington, we're sure you've noticed what a great job MacClellan is doing whipping this army into shape. But I thought you'd want to know that we're also revamping our western army so we can kick your ass there to.

Already we've sent that twitchy spaz Bill Sherman home, hopefully for good, and put reliable old Don Carlos Buell in his place. Things are looking great for us. Buell has even suggested dumping that hot-head Sam Grant, but it looks like Grant is in Lincoln's pocket, so we'll have to wait and see. I bet he doesn't make it through spring, though.

Give Then Back!

Proving that he is a man of action, our new commander General MacCellan sent some troops down to Leesburg. The papers are reporting it as The Battle of Balls Bluff, and it sounds like you won.

Great.

Good for you.

But did you really need to take those 700 troops captive? Can we trade? I've got a bunch of Democratic politicians I'd be happy to get rid of. Give me back my troops and you can have every last Democrat in Washington.

To the Opressed:

Opressed Take note:

ANY Slaves who are taking advantage of the situation, and reducing the pace of their labor, disobeying orders, or leaving their farms to visit with friends and relatives will be PUNISHED.

ANY step up in resistance or working at a much slower pace will be PUNISHED. Even worse is outright refusal to obey orders. ANY Slaves who run off will be PUNISHED; as well as those who steal food and violate curfew.

ANY slaves who hold religious services or hold school for their children is in VIOLATION of confederate laws.

ANY slaves who are caught attempting to join the union army, or even attempting to cross into union territories will be SHOT.

ANY slave owners who can spare men between the ages of 18 and 40, they are desparately needed on the front lines, they will be looked after and returned in relatively the same condition.

Bull (Union) Run

"Ranks of the Northern army have been broken forever; no trumpet will call them to battle again. However new forces may be mustered and new generals commissioned, the decree of Manassas cannot be reversed; Southern independence is assured."

October 26, 1861 - Charleston Mercury

That's a great headline isn't it? You know what else is a great headline? From the smokingmusket.com I found this telegram that leaked to Lincoln:

"General McDowell's army in full retreat through Centreville. The day is lost... "

An attack on Washington will be planned and executed as soon as possible. Stonewall wants 10,000 troops to march right into Washington and get it over with.

I agree.

Or to quote Billy Idol:

"With a rebel yell, the north yells 'No more....more ...more'"

Just A Glitch

Okay, look...

We admit that things could have gone better for us down at Manassas, but don't start thinking you are some Wellington and that this was your Waterloo. This was just the beginning, and we needed to work out some kinks.

McDowell is out. He was a loser, no motivation, no real inspiration for this whole putting-down-a-rebellion thing. So, we've brought in this new guy, George McClellan, a real general. Our own Little Napoleon.

Where's your Little Wellington? Nowhere. Beauregard is a pansy, Johnston is a hot-head... who are you going to get? Old Granny Lee?

There will be action soon, I promise. McClellan is a man of action!

I'm Sorry Mr. Jackson

Oops
I think I hit Stonewall Jackson
while I was on my way to Bull Run
to pick up my cousin. She was workin'
for some rich folks who were spectatin'
the battle. One lady almost lost her head
to a canon ball. (Head shaking)
Anyways, I was watching all this take place
when, Bam. I hit someone,
and who is it but, angry-ass Stonewall.

He owes me insurance money.

The Battle at Bull Run

	It's really a nice day
	how was the walk?
	or should I say forced march.
	your boys know what they're doing yet?
	There's nothing nicer than a day out of that swamp in Washington
	the boys? they're fine
	i think a few of our politicos have come out to watch
	having a picnic
	kicking your ass will be a picnic
	hmmm, that will be the first position we'll fire upon
	oh, you think so?
	maybe you noticed that we've got about 6K soldiers on your left, stomping your boys
	maybe eliminate some of the voices in WA keeping us together
	that heintzelman might be an old hack, but he's got you flanked
	ru some sicko, rebel? shoot cannons at ladies having a picnic?
	we might have a nice picnic ourselves after we chase them and you out of manassas
	really?
	that will be hard, since your line just collapsed over by Matthews Hill
	It's a good thing that train broke down and I can reinforce Beauregard.
	or should I say could since I see them holding the line at the river
	we should be able to hold that flank attack and regain the line to the northeast
	you know what's really annoying?
	when you idiots rebelled, you took some of our good army boys. worse, they took their blue uniforms.
	i just heard that some of your boys, dressed in blue, have been capturing my guys because they think they're friends
	wtf?
	oh yea, I was hoping you wouldn't notice
	oh, it looks like Henry House Hill is about to be mine. you've only got one brigade up there now!
	do you want us to pick up anything for you while we're in richmond?
	Jackson seems to have held the line...lol
	Sir, we gave you the bayonet!
	say hello to my little bayonet
	d'oh
	what the hell did you do?
	when artillery doesn't succeed, afix bayonets and charge
	it seems virginia has some stonewall soldiers
	just because he was too stupid to run away
	however we can hold the line
	wait a minute, you're calling jackson stupid for holding the hill?
	wow
	this whole thing is just stupid
	stupid coward troopers running away
	the whole damn thing is stupid
	the worst part is that you've ruined some great picnics
	washington is just a day's march away
	or well I guess in your case a few days away
	ha ha very funny
	we've got enough forts and big guns around washington to keep you out
	maybe we'll just come back tomorrow and try again